Parenting: Illustrated with Crappy Pictures


Author: Amber Dusick
Publisher: Harlequin
ISBN: 1460309863
Category: Family & Relationships
Page: 224
View: 8702

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"The drawings aren't very good, Mama." —Crappy Boy, age 5 Of course you love being a parent. But sometimes, it just sucks. I know. I'm Amber Dusick and I started my blog Parenting: Illustrated with Crappy Pictures because I needed a place to vent about the funny (and frustrating) day-to-day things that happened to me as a parent. Turns out, poop is hilarious! At least when you're not the one wiping it up. This book won't make your frustrating moments any less crappy. But these stories about my Crappy Baby, Crappy Boy and my husband, Crappy Papa, will hopefully make you laugh. Because you're not alone. And sometimes the crappiest moments make the best memories. Parenting is wonderful! And also, well, you know.

Marriage Illustrated with Crappy Pictures


Author: Amber Dusick
Publisher: Harlequin
ISBN: 1460346807
Category: Humor
Page: 304
View: 3356

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"Funny and flattering quote from loving, supportive, perfect husband." —Crappy Husband MARRIAGE: ILLUSTRATED WITH CRAPPY PICTURES provides much-needed laughs about coping with another person's hygiene habits, cleaning rituals (including their ritual of not cleaning), financial decisions, cooking quirks and everything else that makes your spouse weird and annoying special and perfect in every way.

Motherhood Comes Naturally (and Other Vicious Lies)


Author: Jill Smokler
Publisher: Simon and Schuster
ISBN: 1476728380
Category: Family & Relationships
Page: 176
View: 303

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From the New York Times bestselling author of Confessions of a Scary Mommy and the wildly popular blog ScaryMommy.com, a hilarious new essay collection that exposes the “vicious lies” that every parent is told. Newly pregnant and scared out of her mind, Jill Smokler lay on her gynecologist’s examination table and was told the biggest lie she’d ever heard in her life: “Motherhood is the most natural thing in the world.” Instead of quelling her nerves like that well intentioned nurse hoped to, Jill was instead set up for future of questioning exactly what DNA strand she was missing that made the whole motherhood experience feel less than natural to her. Wonderful? Yes. Miraculous? Of course. Worthwhile? Without a doubt. But natural? Not so much. Jill’s first memoir, the New York Times bestseller Confessions of a Scary Mommy, rocketed to national fame with its down and dirty details about life with her three precious bundles of joy. Now Jill returns with all-new essays debunking more than twenty pervasive myths about motherhood. She’s here to give you what few others will dare: The truth.

Oh Crap! Potty Training

Everything Modern Parents Need to Know to Do It Once and Do It Right
Author: Jamie Glowacki
Publisher: Simon and Schuster
ISBN: 1501122991
Category: Family & Relationships
Page: 288
View: 979

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Jamie Glowacki—potty-training expert, Pied Piper of Poop, and author of the popular guide, Oh Crap! Potty Training—shares her proven 6-step plan to help you toilet train your preschooler quickly and successfully. Worried about potty training? Let Jamie Glowacki, potty-training expert at OhCrapPottyTraining.com, show you how it’s done. Her 6-step, proven process to get your toddler out of diapers and onto the toilet has already worked for tens of thousands of kids and their parents. Here’s the good news: your child is probably ready to be potty trained EARLIER than you think (ideally, between 20–30 months), and it can be done FASTER than you expect (most kids get the basics in a few days—but Jamie’s got you covered even if it takes a little longer). If you’ve ever said to yourself: ** How do I know if my kid is ready? ** Why won’t my child poop in the potty? ** How do I avoid “potty power struggles”? ** How can I get their daycare provider on board? ** My kid was doing so well—why is he regressing? ** And what about nighttime?! Oh Crap! Potty Training can solve all of these (and other) common issues. This isn’t theory, you’re not bribing with candy, and there are no gimmicks. This is real-world, from-the-trenches potty training information—all the questions and all the ANSWERS you need to do it once and be done with diapers for good. And check out OhCrapPottyTraining.com for more information—including expert advice, support from parents just like you, and instructions for how to take part in the next Great Potty Challenge!

Confessions of a Slacker Mom


Author: Muffy Mead-ferro
Publisher: Da Capo Press
ISBN: 0786722983
Category: Psychology
Page: 152
View: 6430

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Parents who are fed up with the pressure to turn their children into star athletes, concert violinists, and merit scholars-all at once!-finally have an alternative: the world of Slacker Moms, where kids learn to do things for themselves and parents can cut themselves some slack; where it's perfectly all right to do less, have less, and spend less. Slacker moms say "No" to parenting philosophies that undermine parents'-and children's-ability to think for themselves. They say "Yes" to saving their money and time by opting out of the parenting competition. And they say "Hell, Yes!" to having a life of their own, knowing it makes them better parents.In this witty and insightful book, author Muffy Mead-Ferro reflects on her experience of growing up on a ranch in Wyoming, where parenting-by necessity-was more hands-off, people "made do" with what they had, and common sense and generational wisdom prevailed. We should all take her sane lead!

What to Expect When You're Expected

A Fetus's Guide to the First Three Trimesters
Author: David Javerbaum
Publisher: Spiegel & Grau
ISBN: 1588369404
Category: Humor
Page: 224
View: 6222

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This new second edition is filled with the latest, most accurate wombhood information, including comforting answers to hundreds of questions, such as • “My mother just took a sip of white wine. Am I going to end up looking like some Chernobyl baby now?” • “So far Mommy is spending most of her pregnancy in a state of stress, anxiety, and depression. Which one should she focus on?” • “I’m kicking as hard as I can, but Mom says it feels like ‘butterflies fluttering.’ Am I doing something wrong?” • “Why do my parents blast Mozart at me every night right when I’m trying to sleep?!?” • “To the nearest hundred, how many people should Mommy invite to my birth?” From the Trade Paperback edition.

Confessions of a Scary Mommy

An Honest and Irreverent Look at Motherhood: The Good, The Bad, and the Scary
Author: Jill Smokler
Publisher: Simon and Schuster
ISBN: 1451673787
Category: Family & Relationships
Page: 176
View: 4757

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Sometimes I just let my children fall asleep in front of the TV. In a culture that idealizes motherhood, it’s scary to confess that, in your house, being a mother is beautiful and dirty and joyful and frustrating all at once. Admitting that it’s not easy doesn’t make you a bad mom; at least, it shouldn’t. If I can’t survive my daughter as a toddler, how the hell am I going to get through the teenage years? When Jill Smokler was first home with her small children, she thought her blog would be something to keep friends and family updated. To her surprise, she hit a chord in the hearts of mothers everywhere. I end up doing my son’s homework. It’s wrong, but so much easier. Total strangers were contributing their views on that strange reality called motherhood. As other women shared their stories, Jill realized she wasn’t alone in her feelings of exhaustion and imperfection. My eighteen month old still can’t say “Mommy” but used the word “shit” in perfect context. But she sensed her readers were still holding back, so decided to start an anonymous confessional, a place where real moms could leave their most honest thoughts without fearing condemnation. I pretend to be happy but I cry every night in the shower. The reactions were amazing: some sad, some pee-in-your-pants funny, some brutally honest. But they were real, not a commercial glamorization. I clock out of motherhood at 8 P.M. and hide in the basement with my laptop and a beer. If you’re already a fan, lock the bathroom door on your whining kids, run a bubble bath, and settle in. If you’ve not encountered Scary Mommy before, break out a glass of champagne as well, because you’ll be toasting your initiation into a select club. I know why some animals eat their young. In chapters that cover husbands (The Biggest Baby of Them All) to homework (Didn’t I Already Graduate?), Confessions of a Scary Mommy combines all-new essays from Jill with the best of the anonymous confessions. Sometimes I wish my son was still little—then I hear kids screaming at the store. As Jill says, “We like to paint motherhood as picture perfect. A newborn peacefully resting on his mother’s chest. A toddler taking tentative first steps into his mother’s loving arms. A mother fluffing her daughter’s prom dress. These moments are indeed miraculous and joyful; they can also be few and far between.” Of course you adore your kids. Of course you would lay down your life for them. But be honest now: Have you ever wondered what possessed you to sign up for the job of motherhood? STOP! DO NOT OPEN THIS BOOK UNTIL YOU RECITE THESE VOWS! I shall remember that no mother is perfect and my children will thrive because, and sometimes even in spite, of me. I shall not preach to a fellow mother who has not asked my opinion. It’s none of my damn business. I shall maintain a sense of humor about all things motherhood.

Go the F**k to Sleep


Author: Adam Mansbach
Publisher: Open Road Media
ISBN: 1453224742
Category: Humor
Page: 32
View: 7451

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A laugh-out-loud, adults-only bedtime story for parents familiar with the age-old struggle of putting their kids to bed “Hell no, you can’t go to the bathroom. You know where you can go? The f**k to sleep.” Go the Fuck to Sleep is a book for parents who live in the real world, where a few snoozing kitties and cutesy rhymes don’t always send a toddler sailing blissfully off to dreamland. Profane, affectionate, and radically honest, it captures the familiar—and unspoken—tribulations of putting your little angel down for the night. Read by a host of celebrities, from Samuel L. Jackson to Jennifer Garner, this subversively funny bestselling storybook will not actually put your kids to sleep, but it will leave you laughing so hard you won’t care.

Bro Code for Parents

What to Expect When You're Awesome
Author: Barney Stinson
Publisher: Simon and Schuster
ISBN: 1451690649
Category: Humor
Page: 176
View: 2719

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The newest book in the New York Times bestselling “Barney Stinson” canon teaches prospective parents everything they need to know to have a legendary kid. So you’re going to be a parent. You might be asking yourself a series of important questions: Will I be a good parent? • Will I be able to afford this? • Can I ever have sex again? Well, the answer to all these questions is a rock-solid no. But just because your existence is now a petrifying turd on the canvas of life doesn’t mean your kid has to be as lame as you’re about to become. That’s why I’ve written this book—to teach you how to be an awesomommy or legendaddy. The Bro Code for Parents will help you: Choose a baby name that won’t get your kid stuffed into a junior high locker • Interview and hire a smokin’ hot nanny • Teach your child instant classics like “The Boobs on the Bus” and “Bro, Bro, Bro Your Boat” With full-color illustrations, interactive work sheets, and even suggestions for how to turn a stroller into a broller, The Bro Code for Parents gives you all the tools you’ll need to raise your child to be almost as awesome as I am. Almost.

Dogs with Old Man Faces

Portraits of Crotchety Canines
Author: Tom Cohen
Publisher: Running Press
ISBN: 0762450665
Category: Humor
Page: 144
View: 1716

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There's just something easy to love about those dogs with old man faces, with mugs weathered by experience and wisdom.

Marriage Rules!

The Hilarious Handbook for Surviving Marriage
Author: Ryan O’Quinn
Publisher: BroadStreet Publishing Group LLC
ISBN: 1424550939
Category: Humor
Page: 144
View: 9452

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This Is Ridiculous This Is Amazing

Parenthood in 71 Lists
Author: Jason Good
Publisher: Chronicle Books
ISBN: 1452135649
Category: Family & Relationships
Page: 144
View: 4034

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Blogging sensation and family man Jason Good delivers a laugh-out-loud reminder that everything is easier and more fun when approached with a sense of humor—especially parenting. Each list captures a perfect (or perfectly terrible) aspect of parenthood while wholeheartedly embracing every moment: "You Deserve a Break" offers ideas for downtime, such as giving blood and untangling cords, while "Self-Help from a Three-Year-Old" collects such wisdom as "If you fall down, stay down. Someone will pick you up eventually." Sweet, sincere, and oh-so-true, this is the ideal gift for parents who could use a laugh. And isn't that every single one of them?

Misadventures of a Parenting Yogi

Cloth Diapers, Cosleeping, and My (Sometimes Successful) Quest for Conscious Parenting
Author: Brian Leaf
Publisher: New World Library
ISBN: 1608682684
Category: Family & Relationships
Page: 240
View: 1121

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In this hilarious, heartfelt book, Brian Leaf tackles parenting with a unique blend of research and humor. He explores Attachment Parenting, as well as Playful, Unconditional, Simplicity, and good old Dr. Spock parenting. He tries cloth diapers, no diapers, cosleeping, and no sleeping. Join him on his rollicking journey in this one-of-a-kind parenting guide.

Parents Need to Eat Too

Nap-Friendly Recipes, One-Handed Meals, and Time-Saving Kitchen Tricks for New Parents
Author: Debbie Koenig
Publisher: Harper Collins
ISBN: 0062098810
Category: Cooking
Page: 400
View: 8431

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It is an undeniable truth: Parents Need to Eat Too! Food and parenting writer Debbie Koenig addresses the dilemma faced by so many parents coping with the demands of a new baby by offering simple, healthy, and delicious recipes for moms and dads who are too sleep-deprived, too frazzled, or simply too busy to cook nutritious meals for themselves. From dinners that can be eaten with one hand (while you hold baby in the other) to slow cooker culinary masterpieces and full courses to prepare while baby naps, Parents Need to Eat Too is filled with tasty, easy-to-make recipes, helpful kitchen tips, and real solutions to the problems faced by hungry parents. Parents Need to Eat Too has been named one of the Best Cookbooks of 2012 by Leite’s Culinaria, whose Editor-in-Chief Renee Schettler Rossi called it the “What to Expect After You’re Expecting” and said that the book “savvily and sassily helps you extend the efficiency of any time spent in the kitchen.” A must-read for new parents!

Sh*tty Mom

The Parenting Guide for the Rest of Us
Author: Laurie Kilmartin,Karen Moline,Alicia Ybarbo,Mary Ann Zoellner
Publisher: Abrams
ISBN: 161312399X
Category: Humor
Page: 176
View: 4538

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Sh*tty Mom is the ultimate parenting guide, written by four moms who have seen it all. As hilarious as it is universal, each chapter presents a common parenting scenario with advice on how to get through it in the easiest and most efficient way possible. With chapters such as “How to Sleep Until 9 A.M. Every Weekend” and “When Seeing an Infant Triggers a Mental Illness That Makes You Want to Have Another Baby,” as well as a Sh*tty Mom quiz, this is a must-have, laugh-out-loud funny book for the sh*tty parent in all of us. Praise for Sh*tty Mom: “A totally hilarious and uncensored look at some of the impossible situations we mothers find ourselves in.” —TheBump.com “Smartly, brashly, nearly criminally funny. It also—no small thing—carries a powerful message to all parents, but especially moms, that distilled to its essence is this: chill.” —Time.com “As the attachment parenting craze has hit a zenith in American culture, four very funny moms—comedy writers, TV producers, and a novelist—blast open a long-locked safe filled with frustrations faced by all modern mothers, with sympathetic and sharp humor. . . . The authors’ unfiltered candor is a welcome reminder for readers that they're not alone. . . .” —Publishers Weekly starred review “Both funny and practical.” —Brooklyn Based.net "Hilariously entertaining. A must-read survivor's guide for every mother!" --Christy Turlington Burns, founder of Every Mother Counts “Finally, Sh*tty Mom does for motherhood what Chelsea Handler does for female scatology. It’s a long overdue little burst of honesty from the supposed minority of mothers who are, in fact, not that maternal. . . . After a generation of supermoms one-upping each other in dead earnest on playgrounds and schoolyards, the emerging mass appeal of Sh*tty Mom is a welcome relief.” —The New York Observer "Witty, wise, and wicked! With tongue planted firmly in cheek, these savvy moms dispense some much needed comic relief about raising kids in our crazy culture."? --Dr. Harvey Karp, bestselling author of The Happiest Baby on the Block “The most inappropriate parenting book I've ever read. Loved it. The perfect book for any mother who wants to laugh instead of cry at those cringe-worthy moments and the universal indignities we experience on a daily basis.” --Jessica Seinfeld, bestselling cookbook author and founder of Baby Buggy “An antidote to the hostage situation that is modern parenting…subversive, delicious, and spit-out-your-latte funny.” --Pamela Druckerman, bestselling author of Bringing Up Bebe

I Heart My Little A-Holes

A bunch of holy-crap moments no one ever told you about parenting
Author: Karen Alpert
Publisher: Harper Collins
ISBN: 0062341618
Category: Humor
Page: 304
View: 3766

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Following the success of Go the F**k to Sleep, Confessions of a Scary Mommy, and Ketchup Is a Vegetable, a collection of funny, warm, and charmingly profane tales from the frontlines of parenthood by the author of the popular Baby Sideburns blog. Once upon a time you and your partner had a perfect life: dinners out, weekend mornings cuddling in bed, brunch with friends. Then you gave birth to a poop machine (or two). Now, it's all about the pediatrician, breast pumps, princess dresses, and minivans. And discovering that your pride and joy is actually a little A-hole. When your son wakes you up at 3:00 A.M. because he wants to watch Caillou, he's an a-hole. When your daughter outlines every corner of your living room with a purple crayon, she's an a-hole. When your rug rats purposely paint the kitchen ceiling with their smoothies, they're a-holes. At times like these, it's only natural to want to kill them (or yourself). But it's against the law (and there's the suicide hotline). Plus, there's that whole loving them more than anything in the whole world thing. In I Heart My Little A-Holes, Karen Alpert shares hilarious stories, lists, and deep thoughts on the joys and horrors of raising children. Accompanied by cheery illustrations and photos I Heart My Little A-Holes will make you laugh so hard you'll wish you were wearing a diaper.

Life Is So Good


Author: George Dawson,Richard Glaubman
Publisher: Random House Trade Paperbacks
ISBN: 0812984870
Category: Biography & Autobiography
Page: 288
View: 4760

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A man who learned to read when he was ninety-eight recalls the early hardships of his life, shares his memories of segregation, and discusses his philosophical observations.

A Perfectly Funny Marriage

A Humorous View of Creating a Successful Marriage
Author: Susanne M. Alexander
Publisher: Marriage Transformation
ISBN: 9780972689397
Category: Family & Relationships
Page: 69
View: 9437

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Help readers to explore the stages of self-discovery, friendship, relationship building, and marriage. This book is suitable for singles to learn about relationships, married couples to lighten up their relationship, or groups to use for playful learning.

The Three-Martini Playdate

A Practical Guide to Happy Parenting
Author: Christie Mellor
Publisher: Chronicle Books
ISBN: 1452116547
Category: Family & Relationships
Page: 144
View: 2171

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Parents were here first! How did the kids suddenly take control? Sure the world has changed from the days when children were supposed to be seen and not heardbut things have gotten a little out of hand. What about some quality time for the grownups? Author Christie Mellor's hilarious, personal, refreshing, and actually quite useful advice delightfully rights the balance between parent and child. In dozens of short, wickedly funny chapters, she skewers today's parental absurdities and reminds us how to make child-rearing a kick. With recipes, helpful hints, and illustrations, this high-spirited book is the only book parents will really needand enjoy.

Welcome to the Club

100 Parenting Milestones You Never Saw Coming
Author: Raquel D'Apice
Publisher: Chronicle Books
ISBN: 1452157626
Category: Family & Relationships
Page: 144
View: 6682

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From the comedian behind the popular parenting blog The Ugly Volvo comes a refreshing spin on the baby milestone book. Instead of a place to lovingly capture the first time baby sleeps through the night, this book shows what it's like the first time baby rolls off the bed/sofa/changing table, leaving mom or dad in a state of pure terror (it happens). These 100 rarely documented but all-too-realistic milestones—such as "First Time Baby Says a Word You Didn't Want Her to Say"—provide comfort, solidarity, and comic relief for new parents. Laugh-out-loud relatable text and distinctive illustrations of these "bad" parenting moments make this a must-have book for anyone entering the mysterious club of parenthood.