Paint Your Wife

Author: Lloyd Jones
Publisher: Hachette UK
ISBN: 1473612535
Category: Art
Page: 320
View: 3931

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The next morning Alma showed up with his tin case of pencils and his sketchbooks. She showed him through to the sitting room. She had an idea that a sitting was a formal occasion and in preparation had gone around the room straightening cushions and pulling off furnishing covers. She had dressed herself up in her Sunday best, a black skirt and red blouse. She had been toying with putting a flower in her hair. Long ago, when the men were away at the war, Alma began painting the women of the town. Alice, his favourite, returned his attentions, and when her husband George came home from the war, he set out to prove his love and reclaim his wife by moving a hill to improve the view for her - with a spade and wheelbarrow. Now, decades later, the townspeople, looking to escape various corners of despair, turn to Alma's drawing classes and, in doing so, learn to rediscover each other. For when you draw, the only thing that matters is what lies before you. Paint Your Wife is a colourful, sensual novel, brimming with rich stories and even richer characters.

Never Hang Wallpaper with Your Wife

Decorating and Renovating from a Guy's Point of View
Author: Michael C. Hammar,William S. Peckham
Publisher: Trafford Publishing
ISBN: 1425196098
Category: House & Home
Page: 158
View: 7858

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Never Hang Wallpaper With Your Wife is a humorous look, from a guy's point of view, at home renovations, decorating and home repairs, and how it can affect the relationship of a husband and wife. It is liberally sprinkled with handy tips, do-it-yourself information and laced with humorous anecdotes. Hammar, now retired and living in British Columbia, was one of Canada's earliest home improvement experts. The experience and knowledge, gained over fifty-two years in the field, is shared with you in a way sure to make you laugh as you learn. The information in this book is not only from Hammar's experiences but also from that of friends, family and his audiences on radio, television and at home shows. There are dozens of innovative handy tips and ideas on how-to and how-not-to. Many of these tips are accompanied by clear illustrations of the project. When asked if he really is an expert in the DIY field he says, "According to one dictionary an expert is 'one who has great knowledge or skill in a particular area'". But, in the words of my former wife, "In the case of Michael Hammar, I think an expert is a person who has done something wrong so many times, has finally found the right way, and now wants to be paid to tell people about it". This book is funny and, at the same time, very informative with down to earth stories and ideas. Avoid the "how-not-to" frustrations and chuckle at one man's struggle with home repairs and renovations. See how one "guy" deals with the "boss" on the job. You will surely identify with some of Hammar's experiences and laugh as you learn.

The Suburban You

Reports from the Home Front
Author: Mark Falanga
Publisher: Broadway Books
ISBN: 9780767919661
Category: Humor
Page: 256
View: 397

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You are about to discover that living in the suburbs is a whole lot funnier than you ever thought possible. For this country’s 145,892,494 (give or take) suburbanites, Mark Falanga is an utterly deadpan (and thoroughly entertaining) spokesman. Mark Falanga is a slick urban dweller, at the top of his game professionally, with a gorgeous corporate executive wife and a hip coterie in the coolest neighborhood in the city. But when baby makes three, Mark and his family enter the twilight zone called the suburbs, where public schools are good, many wives stay home, and children ride their tricycles in the driveway. Nothing is the same ever again. With the dry wit of David Sedaris, and Dave Barry’s love of the absurd, Falanga details his new, suburban landscape from the point of view of a bewildered but gung-ho everyman. From the complex political pecking order in the neighborhood, with its ultracompetitive block parties and its consuming holiday-card rivalry, to the surprises lurking on every corner—such as the twelve-year-old pyromaniac next door and the suspiciously broad-shouldered “lady” on the commuter train—The Suburban You describes in slyly understated prose the vicissitudes of life in the ’burbs.

How to Iron Your Own Damn Shirt

The Perfect Husband Handbook Featuring Over 50 Foolproof Ways to Win, Woo & Wow Your Wife
Author: Craig Boreth
Publisher: Crown Archetype
ISBN: 0307420973
Category: Humor
Page: 256
View: 670

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PERFECT HUSBANDS ARE MADE, NOT BORN LADIES: At long last, a practical guide to help your man become the perfect husband. How to Iron Your Own Damn Shirt is your salvation, with simple, easy-for-a-guy-to-follow instructions on those little things you can never get him to do, such as: • How to Put the Toilet Seat Down • How to Stop Snoring • How to Ask for Directions • Plus, more than 50 other essential topics (even How to Dance at a Wedding) It’s a must-have guide that will finally convince him it’s in his best interest to make you happy, no matter what it takes. GUYS: Don’t panic. It’s not how perfect you are, it’s how perfect she thinks you are. How to Iron Your Own Damn Shirt is your key to the castle. Imagine what she’ll let you get away with if you master a few skills, such as: • How to Appear Calm While She’s Driving • How to Apologize Convincingly • How to Enjoy a Chick Flick • Plus, more than 50 other essential topics (even How to Hide Your Porn) How to Iron Your Own Damn Shirt includes countless tips and tricks for keeping you sane, keeping her happy, and keeping you both laughing. From the Trade Paperback edition.

How to Paint Your Car

Revised & Updated
Author: Dennis W. Parks
Publisher: Motorbooks
ISBN: 161058757X
Category: Transportation
Page: 192
View: 6887

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How to Paint Your Car reveals the techniques, tricks, and technology behind automotive painting through 400 color photos, clear captions, detailed text, and step-by-step how-to sequences. You’ll learn the latest information about paint chemistry, waterborne paints, spray guns, body fillers, surface prep, site prep, as well as respirators and other safety gear that every automotive painter must know. With step-by-step detail, you’ll learn how to properly prepare your car for paint work, including minor bodywork, surface preparation, rust removal, masking, priming and final coating. How to Paint Your Car also includes information about custom touches and effects as well as how to care for your paint after application, including information on buffing compounds, waxes, and other care products. Everything you need to know to feel comfortable and confident in undertaking your own paint project, whether a touch-up job or a complete respray, is covered in How to Paint Your Car.

Window to the Soul

Author: Kyle Kenner
ISBN: 1312468289
Category: Fiction
Page: 58
View: 4452

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Arthur Fuller is an artist who has made quite a name for himself. In fact, there is a good chance he may soon become famous when the world's leading art critic rolls into his tiny town near the woods. The art critic tells Arthur that in order to become famous he must paint something more remarkable than he has ever seen before. Arthur decides to venture into the uncharted woods to chase his dream of becoming the world's most famous artist. In the woods, however, he comes face to face with a certain evil that may ruin his chances of happiness.

The Quixote Imbroglio

That Which Remains of the Burden of Honor
Author: J J Garrett
Publisher: AuthorHouse
ISBN: 1463478291
Category: Fiction
Page: 462
View: 6634

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The spirit of Don Quixote burnishes the six main characters of this novel that begins with the arrival of North Americans Kyle and Carmen Daly in Central America. The two settle within a civilization awash, into a culture termed indistinct even by those who exploit it. Their adventure entangles them. They are trapped between an on-rush of modern values and those of the archaic Maya, whose descendents — outcast by the society of which they form the bulwark — remain steadfast in chivalric beliefs. As unwitting abettors to religious, social and economic bigotry patronized by U.S. missionaries, embassy staff, cable television ministries and businessmen mate–seekers, along with a cadre of Hispanic adoption attorneys and U.S. citizen wannabe’s, Kyle and Carmen attempt to stand upon the principals of their lineage: Right and Wrong. From this moral basis they try to manage the skirmishes of child theft, adultery, assassination, murder and revenge into which they are drawn. They find themselves within a Quixotic menagerie. Their embroilment, both comic and tragic, becomes, at best, a tenuous legacy. Through intricate plotting, The Quixote Imbroglio examines the melding of Spaniard and Indian cultures — today imaginable as an emerging solidarity at once catalyzed by, and complicated by, that third founding culture of the New World: the dogmatic Northamerican colonist.

The Master Painter

Author: Brando Quin
Publisher: AuthorHouse
ISBN: 1434335992
Category: Fiction
Page: 192
View: 9013

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Brando "Good Life News" Interview Joe: ..."The Master Painter" describe the book tell us what it's about. Brando: It's actually a novel that contains Villains, Cowboys, and Indians and takes place out here in Arizona. Joe: Excellent Brando: My Grandfather he was kind of the inspiration for that, he was an artistic man and he lived here in a small town in Arizona for 100 years, he just died this past February. He was the inspiration for my novel and for the title "The Master Painter." The Master Painter was actually an Apache trained painter and they deal with some spiritual arts, not everything that you see meets the eye. Joe: Right. Brando: So there is some intrigue there in the book, a young boy becomes his apprentice and it's taking place during 1931 which was the year of the Great Depression and a lot of businesses were closing people were losing their homes and the nation was in an economic crisis. In the book the Master Painter paints a magical painting which the young boy the apprentice can reach into and take out as much wealth as he needs whenever he needs it he describes it as taking a cold drink of water from a mountain stream that's never ending. Joe: Excellent Brando: There are of course the cunning villains who are trying to steal the painting. There's a comedy duo team which I attribute to Laurel and Hardy or Abbott and Costello which try to help the apprentice locate the Master Painters painting after he mysteriously disappears. Joe: Excellent, excellent. Brando: There are also a few science fiction parts thrown in there with some creatures that call themselves, "The Watchers of Prisoners" so there are a lot of elements in this book which people might find interesting Joe.

To the Hilt

Author: Dick Francis
Publisher: Penguin
ISBN: 9781101007242
Category: Fiction
Page: 352
View: 3291

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From the acclaimed master of mystery and suspense comes the story of a self-imposed outcast who must refresh his detection skills in order to save himself and his family.

Coyote V. Acme

Author: Ian Frazier
Publisher: Farrar, Straus and Giroux
ISBN: 1466828757
Category: Humor
Page: 128
View: 2291

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Twenty-two humorous essays on topics ranging from Joseph Stalin's theories of revolutionary stand-up comedy, to a commencement address given by a Satanist college President, to the opening statement of an attorney representing Wile E. Coyote in a product liability suit against the Acme company, supplier of unpredictable rocket sleds and faulty spring-powered shoes.

The Painter of Modern Life

Author: Charles-Pierre Baudelaire
Publisher: Penguin UK
ISBN: 0141956437
Category: Literary Collections
Page: 128
View: 4545

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Poet, aesthete and hedonist, Baudelaire was also one of the most groundbreaking art critics of his time. Here he explores beauty, fashion, dandyism, the purpose of art and the role of the artist, and describes the painter who, for him, expresses most fully the drama of modern life. GREAT IDEAS. Throughout history, some books have changed the world. They have transformed the way we see ourselves - and each other. They have inspired debate, dissent, war and revolution. They have enlightened, outraged, provoked and comforted. They have enriched lives - and destroyed them. Now Penguin brings you the works of the great thinkers, pioneers, radicals and visionaries whose ideas shook civilization and helped make us who we are.

The Scold's Bridle

Author: Minette Walters
Publisher: Pan Macmillan
ISBN: 0330528742
Category: Fiction
Page: 480
View: 5413

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I wonder if I should keep these diaries under lock and key. Jenny Spede has disturbed them again . . . What does she make, I wonder, of an old woman, deformed by arthritis, stripping naked for a young man? The pills worry me more. Ten is such a round number to be missing . . . Mathilda Gillespie's body was found nearly two days after she had taken an overdose and slashed her wrists with a Stanley knife. But what shocked Dr Sarah Blakeney the most was the scold's bridle obscuring the dead woman’s face, a metal contraption grotesquely adorned with a garland of nettles and Michaelmas daisies. What happened at Cedar House in the tortured hours before Mathilda's death? The police assume that the coroner will return a verdict of suicide. Only Dr Blakeney, it seems, doubts the verdict. Until it is discovered that Mathilda’s diaries have disappeared . . . ‘An atmosphere of tantalizing, overpowering menace . . . The tradition of the English whodunnit has passed into the safe hands and dangerous imagination of Minette Walters’ The Times

Recollections of a Picture Dealer

Author: Ambroise Vollard
Publisher: Courier Corporation
ISBN: 0486142388
Category: Biography & Autobiography
Page: 384
View: 5810

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Art merchant recounts selling the works of Cézanne; partying with Renoir, Forain, Degas, and Rodin; the studios of Manet, Matisse, Picasso, and Rousseau; encounters with Gertrude Stein, Zola, others. 33 illustrations.

Magic City Mayor #2

Author: Mark Thornton
ISBN: 1312466960
Category: Comics & Graphic Novels
Page: 12
View: 1803

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Issue #2 of the life and times of the Mayor of Khaboom, a democratically elected leader of a city dominated by powerful wizards. With an influx of immigrant goblins, a disloyal right hand, a bodyguard gone mad and a rampaging minotaur on the loose, who would even dream of running for re-election?

The Morning Gift

Author: Eva Ibbotson
Publisher: Pan Macmillan
ISBN: 0330477374
Category: Juvenile Fiction
Page: 512
View: 6332

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The Morning Gift is a beautiful, classic romance from much loved author, Eva Ibbotson. Ruth lives in the beautiful city of Vienna and is wildly in love with Heini Radik, a brilliant young pianist. But her world is about to change forever. When Hitler's forces invade, Ruth's family flees to London, but she is unable to get a passport. Quin, a young professor and friend of the family, visits Ruth and, in an effort to bring her back to London, he offers a marriage of convenience. As Ruth throws herself into her London life, Quin begins to fall desperately in love with her. Things are further complicated by the arrival of Heini . . .