How to Archer

The Ultimate Guide to Espionage, Style, Women, and Cocktails Ever Written
Author: Sterling Archer
Publisher: Harper Collins
ISBN: 0062066323
Category: Fiction
Page: 192
View: 5989

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Lying is like 95% of what I do. But believe me: in this book, I’ll let you know exactly how to become a master spy just like me. Obviously, you won’t be as good at it as I am, but that’s because you’re you, and I’m Sterling Archer. I know, I know, it sucks not being me. But don’t beat yourself up about it, because I’m going to show you all the good stuff—what to wear; what to drink; how to seduce women (and, when necessary, men); how to beat up men (and, when necessary, women); how to tell the difference between call girls and hookers (hint: when they’re dead, they’re just hookers) and everything about weapons, secret devices, lying ex-girlfriends, and turtlenecks. In a word? How to Archer.

How to Archer

The Ultimate Guide to Espionage and Style and Women and Also Cocktails Ever Written
Author: Sterling Archer
Publisher: It Books
ISBN: N.A
Category:
Page: 192
View: 1002

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Lying is like 95% of what I do. But believe me: in this book, I’ll let you know exactly how to become a master spy just like me. Obviously, you won’t be as good at it as I am, but that’s because you’re you, and I’m Sterling Archer. I know, I know, it sucks not being me. But don’t beat yourself up about it, because I’m going to show you all the good stuff—what to wear; what to drink; how to seduce women (and, when necessary, men); how to beat up men (and, when necessary, women); how to tell the difference between call girls and hookers (hint: when they’re dead, they’re just hookers) and everything about weapons, secret devices, lying ex-girlfriends, and turtlenecks. In a word? How to Archer. From the Back Cover Hi. I see you’re reading the back of my book. This tells me that you either: A) are hoping to find a brief summary of what to expect from a how-to book by Sterling Archer, the world’s greatest secret agent, or B) don’t know how books work. If your answer was “A,” your best bet is probably the table of contents, which is where you’ll find the “contents” of this book listed in a convenient, easy-to-read “table” format. So maybe go check that out for a minute and then come back here. I’ll wait. . . . Pretty cool, right? What other book will teach you how to dress properly and how to drive an elephant? How to field strip an AK-47 and how to haggle with a Thai prostitute—in her native tongue? How to pilot an airboat and how to make about a million delicious cocktails, including a Molotov one? How to kill a guy and how to prepare a fabulous brunch? Plus how to do tons of other stuff that I forgot, but that is nonetheless probably in this book (which, to be honest, I really only kinda skimmed). So if you want to learn more about how to be more—or at all—like Sterling Archer, the world’s greatest secret agent, quit smearing your greasy fingerprints all over this book and buy it. For one thing, I really need the royalties. For another thing, the last time I checked, this wasn’t a damn library. (Note: If your answer was “B,” this probably isn’t the book you want to start with.)

Failure Is an Option

An Attempted Memoir
Author: H. Jon Benjamin
Publisher: Penguin
ISBN: 1524742171
Category: Humor
Page: 256
View: 6968

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H. Jon Benjamin--the lead voice behind Archer and Bob's Burgers--helps us all feel a little better about our own failures by sharing his own in a hilarious memoir-ish chronicle of failure. Most people would consider H. Jon Benjamin a comedy show business success. But he'd like to remind everyone that as great as success can be, failure is also an option. And maybe the best option. In this book, he tells stories from his own life, from his early days ("wherein I'm unable to deliver a sizzling fajita") to his romantic life ("how I failed to quantify a threesome") to family ("wherein a trip to P.F. Chang's fractures a family") to career ("how I failed at launching a kid's show"). As Jon himself says, breaking down one's natural ability to succeed is not an easy task, but also not an insurmountable one. Society as we know it is, sadly, failure averse. But more acceptance of failure, as Jon sees it, will go a long way to making this world a different place . . . a kinder, gentler place, where gardens are overgrown and most people stay home with their pets. A vision of failure, but also a vision of freedom. With stories, examples of artistic and literary failure, and a powerful can't-do attitude, Failure Is an Option is the book the world doesn't need right now but will get regardless.

The Art of Archer


Author: Neal Holman
Publisher: Dey Street Books
ISBN: 9780062484130
Category: Performing Arts
Page: 240
View: 2941

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A fully illustrated and highly visual guide to everything Archer—from storyboards to character sketches to script excerpts—making it a collector’s item for Archer fans everywhere, and featuring a foreword by Christian Slater. The Art of Archer is a comprehensive look behind the scenes of the award-winning animated series. Featuring 240 pages of concept art, exclusive interviews, script excerpts and the never-before-released original pitch for the series, this amazing collection offers an utterly unique view of the Archer creative process. Commentary from the crew will walk fans all the way from squiggles to the gorgeous final picture, detailing not only their process but their history as well. Exclusive interviews with the Emmy-nominated cast offer insights to their beloved characters and a glimpse of their favorite moments. With storyboards, costume designs, reference photographs, immaculate background paintings and more, this is Archer as you have never seen it. The Art of Archer is a must have companion to the groundbreaking animated series, for fans and cinephiles alike.

A Practical Guide to Racism


Author: C. H. Dalton
Publisher: Penguin
ISBN: 1592404308
Category: Humor
Page: 203
View: 7940

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A whimsical and irreverent evaluation of the world's diverse populations, written pseudonymously by the fictional son of an elitist family, argues in support of supremacist belief systems while diminishing the sufferings of minority groups. Reprint.

Bro Code for Parents

What to Expect When You're Awesome
Author: Barney Stinson
Publisher: Simon and Schuster
ISBN: 1451690649
Category: Humor
Page: 176
View: 7677

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The newest book in the New York Times bestselling “Barney Stinson” canon teaches prospective parents everything they need to know to have a legendary kid. So you’re going to be a parent. You might be asking yourself a series of important questions: Will I be a good parent? • Will I be able to afford this? • Can I ever have sex again? Well, the answer to all these questions is a rock-solid no. But just because your existence is now a petrifying turd on the canvas of life doesn’t mean your kid has to be as lame as you’re about to become. That’s why I’ve written this book—to teach you how to be an awesomommy or legendaddy. The Bro Code for Parents will help you: Choose a baby name that won’t get your kid stuffed into a junior high locker • Interview and hire a smokin’ hot nanny • Teach your child instant classics like “The Boobs on the Bus” and “Bro, Bro, Bro Your Boat” With full-color illustrations, interactive work sheets, and even suggestions for how to turn a stroller into a broller, The Bro Code for Parents gives you all the tools you’ll need to raise your child to be almost as awesome as I am. Almost.

Bro on the Go


Author: Barney Stinson
Publisher: Simon and Schuster
ISBN: 1471104648
Category: Humor
Page: 128
View: 3135

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THE BRO CODE provides men with all the rules they need to know in order to become a "bro" and behave properly among other bros. THE BRO CODE has never been published before. Few know of its existence, and the code, until now, has been verbally communicated between those in the 'bro'. Containing approximately 150 "unspoken" rules, this code of conduct ranges from the simple (bros before hos) to the complex (the hot-to-crazy ratio, complete with bar graphs and charts). With helpful sidebros THE BRO CODE will help any ordinary guy become the best bro he can be. Let ultimate bro and co-author Barney Stinson and his book, THE BRO CODE share their wisdom, lest you be caught making eye contact in a devil's three-way (two dudes, duh.) Sample Articles from THE BRO CODE: Article 1: Regardless of veracity, a Bro never admits familiarity with a Broadway show or musical. Article 53: A Bro will, whenever possible, provide his Bro with prophylactic protection.Article 57: A Bro may not speculate on the expected Bro / chick ratio of a party or venue without first disclosing the present-time observed ratio.

Let Me Off at the Top!

My Classy Life and Other Musings
Author: Ron Burgundy
Publisher: Crown Archetype
ISBN: 080413958X
Category: Humor
Page: 224
View: 2358

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Ron Burgundy is known to all as the lead anchorman of San Diego's award-winning Action 4 News Team and anchor of the first 24-hour news channel, GNN (Global News Network), but few know the real man behind the news desk. In LET ME OFF AT THE TOP! My Classy Life and Other Musings he will share never-before-told stories of his childhood and the events that led him to choose a career in the news business. He will offer a rare glimpse behind the camera into the real life of a man many consider to be our greatest living news anchor. In his own words, he will share personal anecdotes about the women in his life, about his dog, Baxter, and his legendary news team. Along the way, he'll also give sage advice on a variety of topics that matter most to him. The long wait is over. Ron Burgundy pulls no punches in this widely anticipated, fully authorized tell-all autobiography.

The Modern Drunkard


Author: Frank Kelly Rich
Publisher: Penguin
ISBN: 1101501693
Category: Humor
Page: 224
View: 4714

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Attempting to deconstruct America's joyless obsession with sobriety, The Modern Drunkard offers today's befuddled drinkers a comprehensive and instructive manual on the delights of alcohol culture, how to be a good drunk, how to drink, and how to do it well. Through articles, anecdotes, cartoons, and illustrations pulled from our long and happy history of drinking alcohol, Frank Kelly Rich campaigns to revive the lost art of tippling and taps a deep vein of boozy lore and legend through the ages, uncovering etiquette and expertise from some of history's greatest guzzlers.

Pawnee

The Greatest Town in America
Author: Leslie Knope
Publisher: Hachette Books
ISBN: 1401304419
Category: Fiction
Page: 240
View: 8406

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Welcome to Pawnee: More Exciting than New York, More Glamorous than Hollywood, Roughly the Same Size as Bismarck, North Dakota In Pawnee, Leslie Knope (as played by Amy Poehler on NBC's hit show Parks and Recreation) takes readers on a hilarious tour through her hometown, the Midwestern haven known as Pawnee, Indiana. The book chronicles the city's colorful citizens and hopping nightlife, and also explores some of the most hilarious events from its crazy history--like the time the whole town was on fire, its ongoing raccoon infestation, and the cult that took over in the 1970s. Packed with laugh-out-loud-funny photographs, illustrations, and commentary by the other inhabitants of Pawnee, it's a must-read that will make you enjoy every moment of your stay in the Greatest Town in America.

It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia

The 7 Secrets of Awakening the Highly Effective Four-Hour Giant, Today
Author: The Gang
Publisher: Harper Collins
ISBN: 006222512X
Category: Humor
Page: 256
View: 9184

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"The Gang" from It’s Always Sunny in Philadelphia attempts their most ill-conceived, get-rich quick scheme yet: publishing a “self-help book” to hilarious, sometimes dangerous, and often revolting, results. The Gang may have finally found their golden ticket. Left alone to close down Paddy’s Pub one night, Charlie Kelly inadvertently scored himself, and his friends, the opportunity of a lifetime—a book deal with a real publishing company, real advance money, and a real(ly confused) editor. While his actual ability to read and write remains unclear, Charlie sealed the deal with some off-the-cuff commentary on bird law and the nuances of killing rats (and maybe with the help of some glue fumes in the basement with an unstable editor on a bender). While The Gang is stunned by the news, and the legally binding, irrevocable contract left on the bar, they are also ready to rise to the task and become millionaires—and of course, help Charlie actually write the book. In their own inimitable voices, Charlie, Mac, Dennis, Sweet Dee, and Frank weigh in on important topics like Relationships, Financial Success and Career, Fashion and Personal Grooming, Health and Diet, and Survival Skills, providing insane advice, tips, tricks, and recipes (Rum Ham anyone?) as only they can. Fans of It’s Always Sunny in Philadelphia rejoice and welcome the most influential work in the history of the written word (or at least since the script for The Nightman Cometh): The 7 Secrets of Awakening the Highly Effective Four-Hour Giant, Today.

How to Survive a Horror Movie

All the Skills to Dodge the Kills
Author: Seth Grahame-Smith
Publisher: Quirk Books
ISBN: 9781594741791
Category: Humor
Page: 175
View: 6178

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Teaches readers how to cope with every kind of horror movie obstacle, from ax-wielding psychopaths to haunted Japanese VHS tapes, and is full of illustrated instructions on avoiding ghosts, serial killers, haunted cars, murderous pets, telekinetic prom queens, and countless other hazards. Original.

This Is a Book


Author: Demetri Martin
Publisher: Grand Central Publishing
ISBN: 9781609418762
Category: Humor
Page: 288
View: 9476

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From the renowned comedian, creator, star and executive producer/multiple title-holder of Comedy Central's Important Things with Demetri Martin comes a bold, original, and rectangular kind of humor book. Demetri's first literary foray features longer-form essays and conceptual pieces (such as Protagonists' Hospital, a melodrama about the clinic doctors who treat only the flesh wounds and minor head scratches of Hollywood action heroes), as well as his trademark charts, doodles, drawings, one-liners, and lists (i.e., the world views of optimists, pessimists and contortionists), Martin's material is varied, but his unique voice and brilliant mind will keep readers in stitches from beginning to end.

How to Lose a War at Sea

Foolish Plans and Great Naval Blunders
Author: Bill Fawcett
Publisher: Harper Collins
ISBN: 006206908X
Category: History
Page: 368
View: 5475

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An engrossing compendium of high-seas military disasters From the days of the Spanish Armada to the modern age of aircraft carriers, battles have been bungled just as badly on water as they have been on land. Some blunders were the result of insufficient planning, overinflated egos, espionage, or miscalculations; others were caused by ideas that didn't hold water in the first place. In glorious detail, here are thirty-three of history's worst maritime mishaps, including: The British Royal Navy's misguided attempts to play it safe during the American Revolution The short life and death of the Imperial Japanese Navy The scuttling of the Graf Spee by a far inferior force The sinking of the Nazi megaship Bismarck "Remember the Maine!"—the lies that started the Spanish-American War Admiral Nelson losing track of Napoleon but redeeming himself at the Nile The ANZAC disaster at Gallipoli Germany's failed WWII campaign in the North Atlantic Kennedy's quarantine of Cuba Chock-full of amazing facts and hilarious trivia, How to Lose a War at Sea is the most complete volume of nautical failures ever assembled.

Not a Penny More, Not a Penny Less


Author: Jeffrey Archer
Publisher: St. Martin's Paperbacks
ISBN: 9781429954075
Category: Fiction
Page: 320
View: 7472

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The conned: an Oxford don, a revered society physician, a chic French art dealer, and a charming English lord. They have one thing in common. Overnight, each novice investor lost his life's fortune to one man. The con: Harvey Metcalfe. A brilliant, self-made guru of deceit. A very dangerous individual. And now, a hunted man. With nothing left to lose four strangers are about to come together-each expert in their own field. Their plan: find Harvey, shadow him, trap him, and penny-for-penny, destroy him. From the luxurious casinos of Monte Carlo to the high-stakes windows at Ascot to the bustling streets of Wall Street to fashionable London galleries, their own ingenious game has begun. It's called revenge-and they were taught by a master

How Not to Be a Dick

An Everyday Etiquette Guide
Author: Meghan Doherty
Publisher: Zest Books
ISBN: 1936976129
Category: Young Adult Nonfiction
Page: 192
View: 3411

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On the one hand, nobody wants to be a dick. On the other hand, dicks are everywhere! They cut in line, talk behind our backs, recline into our seats, and even have the power to morph into trolls online. Their powers are impressive, but with a little foresight and thoughtfulness, we can take a stand against dickishness today. How Not to Be a Dick is packed with honest and straightforward advice, but it also includes playful illustrations showing two well-meaning (but not always well behaved) young people as they confront moments of potential dickishness in their everyday lives. Sometimes they falter, sometimes they triumph, but they always seek to find a better way. And with their help, you can too.Essential (and emotionally intelligent) etiquette tips are packaged here alongside hilarious "Dick and Jane"-style illustrations. Laugh and learn.

The Skylark of Space


Author: Edward Elmer Smith
Publisher: U of Nebraska Press
ISBN: 9780803292864
Category: Fiction
Page: 159
View: 5159

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Science fiction-roman.

How to Live with a Huge Penis

Advice, Meditations, and Wisdom for Men Who Have Too Much
Author: Richard Jacob,Owen Thomas
Publisher: Quirk Books
ISBN: 1594747741
Category: Humor
Page: 128
View: 4774

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Is Bigger Really Better? Here at last is the first self-help book for men with Oversized Male Genitalia (OMG), a genetic birth defect that grows the penis to absurd proportions. Every year, thousands of men are diagnosed with OMG. Sadly, most are banished to the fringes of society, victims of their own freakish length and girth. How to Live with a Huge Penis brings them an inspiring message of tolerance and hope—along with helpful information on • Unzipping: Coming Out to Your Friends and Family • Sharing Your Pain: Sexual Intercourse with a Huge Penis • Big Blessings: Unexpected Advantages of a Huge Penis • and much, much more Complete with prayers, poetry, a daily affirmations journal, and thoughtful quotations from leading self-help experts, How to Live with a Huge Penis will inspire men of all shapes and sizes.