Difficult Mothers: Understanding and Overcoming Their Power


Author: Terri Apter
Publisher: W. W. Norton & Company
ISBN: 0393083926
Category: Family & Relationships
Page: 240
View: 9353

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An essential work for readers seeking compassionate, wise guidance about the powerful relationship between mothers and their sons and daughters. Mother love is often seen as sacred, but for many children the relationship is a painful struggle. Using the newest research on human attachment and brain development, Terri Apter, an internationally acclaimed psychologist and writer, unlocks the mysteries of this complicated bond. She showcases the five different types of difficult mother—the angry mother, the controlling mother, the narcissistic mother, the envious mother, and the emotionally neglectful mother—and explains the patterns of behavior seen in each type. Apter also explores the dilemma at the heart of a difficult relationship: why a mother has such a powerful impact on us and why we continue to care about her responses long after we have outgrown our dependence. She then shows how we can conduct an “emotional audit” on ourselves to overcome the power of the complex feelings a difficult mother inflicts. In the end this book celebrates the great resilience of sons and daughters of difficult mothers as well as acknowledging their special challenges.

Difficult Mothers: Understanding and Overcoming Their Power


Author: Terri Apter
Publisher: W. W. Norton & Company
ISBN: 0393081028
Category: Family & Relationships
Page: 238
View: 2149

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Describes the five different types of difficult mothers, explains how adults can still suffer from negative relationships with their mothers, and how people can overcome the challenges of their complex feelings.

Difficult Mothers

Understanding and Overcoming Their Power
Author: Terri Apter
Publisher: W. W. Norton
ISBN: 9780393345445
Category: Family & Relationships
Page: 238
View: 5408

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Describes the five different types of difficult mothers, explains how adults can still suffer from negative relationships with their mothers, and how people can overcome the challenges of their complex feelings.

You Don't Really Know Me: Why Mothers and Daughters Fight and How Both Can Win


Author: Terri Apter
Publisher: W. W. Norton & Company
ISBN: 039328574X
Category: Family & Relationships
Page: 256
View: 2264

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Understand what your teenage daughter really means—and learn to use your arguments to strengthen your bond with her. Mothers and teenage daughters argue more than any other child-parent pair—on average every two-and-a-half days. These quarrels, Terri Apter shows, are attempts to negotiate changes in a relationship that is valued by both mothers and daughters. A daughter often feels her mother doesn't know or understand her, and by fighting hopes to force her mother into a new awareness of who she really is, how she has changed, and what she is now capable of doing and understanding. But mothers often misinterpret their daughter's outbursts as signs of rejection, and they may pull back feeling hurt and confused. Through case studies and conversations between mothers and daughters, Apter shows mothers how to interpret the meanings behind a daughter's angry words and how to emerge from arguments with a new closeness.

How To Manage Your Mother


Author: Alyce-Faye Cleese,Brian Bates
Publisher: Skyscraper Publications
ISBN: 1911072145
Category: Psychology
Page: 180
View: 4620

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This book explores how different people have dealt with the issues related to getting on with their mothers. Psychotherapist Alyce-Faye Cleese interviewed a wide range of people to get an in-depth understanding of the different questions that arise in our relationships with our mother. From a New York taxi driver to her former husband John Cleese, and a computer consultant to General Colin Powell, the interviews show a remarkable similarity between the problems different people have with their mothers both alive and dead, and Alyce-Faye Cleese suggests a range of ways of dealing with problems that many of us share in one way or another.

Toxic Parents

Overcoming Their Hurtful Legacy and Reclaiming Your Life
Author: Susan Forward
Publisher: Bantam
ISBN: 0307575322
Category: Self-Help
Page: 320
View: 1465

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BONUS: This edition contains an excerpt from Dr. Susan Forward's Men Who Hate Women and the Women Who Love Them. When you were a child... Did your parents tell you were bad or worthless? Did your parents use physical pain to discipline you? Did you have to take care of your parents because of their problems? Were you frightened of your parents? Did your parents do anything to you that had to be kept secret? Now that you are an adult... Do your parents still treat you as if you were a child? Do you have intense emotional or physical reactions after spending time with your parents? Do your parents control you with threats or guilt? Do they manipulate you with money? Do you feel that no matter what you do, it's never good enough for your parents? In this remarkable self-help guide, Dr. Susan Forward drawn on case histories and the real-life voices of adult children of toxic parents to help you free yourself from the frustrating patterns of your relationship with your parents -- and discover an exciting new world of self-confidence, inner strength, and emotional independence.

Passing Judgment: Praise and Blame in Everyday Life


Author: Terri Apter
Publisher: W. W. Norton & Company
ISBN: 0393247864
Category: Psychology
Page: 288
View: 886

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Terri Apter reveals how everyday judgments impact our relationships and how praise, blame, and shame shape our sense of self. Do you know that praise is essential to the growth of a healthy brain? That experiences of praise and blame affect how long we live? That the conscious and unconscious judgments we engage in every day began as a crucial survival technique? Do you think people shouldn’t be judgmental? But, how judgmental are you, and how does this impact your relationships? “Keenly perceptive” (The Atlantic) psychologist and writer Terri Apter reveals how everyday judgments impact our relationships, and how praise, blame, and shame shape our sense of self. Our obsession with praise and blame begins soon after birth. Totally dependent on others, rapidly we learn to value praise, and to fear the consequences of blame. Despite outgrowing an infant’s dependence, we continue to monitor others’ judgments of us, and we ourselves develop what relational psychologist Terri Apter calls a “judgment meter,” which constantly scans people and our interactions with them, and registers a positive or negative opinion. In Passing Judgment, Apter reveals how interactions between parents and children, within couples, and among friends and colleagues are permeated with praise and blame that range far beyond specific compliments and accusations. Drawing on three decades of research, Apter gives us the tools to learn about our personal needs, goals and values, to manage our biases, to tolerate others’ views, and to make sense of our most powerful, and often confusing, responses to ourselves and to others.

What Do You Want from Me?: Learning to Get Along with In-Laws


Author: Terri Apter
Publisher: W. W. Norton & Company
ISBN: 9780393072884
Category: Family & Relationships
Page: 288
View: 1965

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Breaking new ground in family psychology, an exploration of the intricacy, friction, and love in the bonds between in-laws. When we marry, we believe the bond is between only two individuals. Few of us realize the power that inlaws will exert over our lives. But the in-laws we acquire when we marry affect our quality of life—our marriage, family, personal comfort, and long-term well-being—for better or worse. What Do You Want From Me? takes a fresh look at the age-old problem of managing conflict with in-laws, offering practical help for dealing with problems that are both immediate (“How do I deal with my in-laws now?”) and strategic (“How can I change the nature of my in-laws’ demands?”). Terri Apter, a psychologist whose books on family dynamics have received international acclaim, draws on nearly two decades of psychological research to pinpoint the sources of tension between in-laws and explore the ways in which we can build healthy relationships with the in-laws in our lives.

When You and Your Mother Can't Be Friends

Resolving the Most Complicated Relationship of Your Life
Author: Victoria Secunda
Publisher: Delta
ISBN: 0307431304
Category: Psychology
Page: 432
View: 3242

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This, the first book ever to say that mother is not always a girl's best friend, is based on a landmark study of the mother-daughter relationships. Secunda offers breakthrough advice on understanding, and improving, what could be a woman's most critical relationship.

Difficult Mothers, Adult Daughters

A Guide For Separation, Inspiration & Liberation
Author: Karen C.L. Anderson
Publisher: Mango Media Inc.
ISBN: 1633537161
Category: Family & Relationships
Page: 199
View: 4510

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Transform your relationship with your mother The best news on the planet is that your mother doesn't have to change in order for you to be happy. In fact, author Karen C.L. Anderson will take it a step further and say, your mother doesn't have to change in order for you to be free, peaceful, contented, and joyful. You can emotionally separate without guilt: Inspired by her own journey, Anderson's Difficult Mothers, Adult Daughters: A Guide For Separation, Liberation & Inspiration shows women how to emotionally separate from their mothers without guilt and anxiety so they can finally create a life based on their own values, desires, needs, and preferences. Not to mention being able to like and respect themselves during the process. Learn through the experiences of others: Through personal stories and experiences, practical tools that can used right away to feel better, and journal prompts, Anderson compassionately leads women who struggle in their relationships with their mothers through a process of self-awareness and understanding. Anderson's work with hundreds of women and her own personal work have resulted in profound growth and transformation. Anderson knows the results are nothing short of miraculous. Funny and compassionate: This book is about Anderson discovering and accepting the whole of who she is (separate from her mother), and making her discoveries accessible to women struggling to redefine their challenging relationships with their mothers. Her writing is relatable, real, funny, and compassionate. What you'll learn inside this book: • Why mothers and daughters tend to have difficult relationships • How to heal and transform your mother "wounds" from sources of pain into sources of creativity and wisdom • How to tell your stories in a way that empowers you, rather than making you powerless • How to handle the uncomfortable emotions that seem inevitable when it comes to your relationship with your mother • The art of creating, articulating, and maintaining impeccable boundaries • How to stop "shoulding" when it comes to yourself and your mother • How to "re-mother" yourself and acknowledge, honor, and meet your own preferences and needs • And much, much more

The Peaceful Daughter's Guide to Separating from a Difficult Mother

Freeing Yourself from the Guilt, Anger, Resentment and Bitterness of Being Raised
Author: Karen C. L. Anderson
Publisher: Difference Press
ISBN: 9781942646693
Category:
Page: 160
View: 7148

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Every woman has a mother story. A story she uses to define herself, to limit herself, to react from, to blame from, and to shame herself from. Using her own story, the author provides a series of thought-provoking concepts and tools to help adult daughters rewrite and transform their mother stories from tales of blame, shame, and reaction, to narratives of resilience, empowerment, and autonomy.This is NOT another "here's what's wrong with your mother" book!In The Peaceful Daughter's Guide to Separating from a Difficult Mother, Karen C.L. Anderson shares her down-to-earth and light-hearted wisdom and personal examples to illustrate the process she used to feel better about herself, using her relationship with her mother as the lens through which to focus.Readers will learn: ?* The difference between stories that hold you back and a story that sets you free.* What emotions really are, how to literally feel and process them, and how to safely express them.* The connection between thoughts and feelings.* The art of setting empowered boundaries.* How to stop "shoulding" when it comes to yourself and your mother.* How to start truly taking care of yourself and meet your own needs.Advance Praise for The Peaceful Daughter's Guide to Separating from a Difficult Mother"The work that Karen Anderson is doing with daughters in regards to their mothers is some of the most important work on the planet today. When we understand how influenced our minds are by what happened when we were growing up, we can then decide to let it go. In this book, Karen gives us the steps to do just that. I know from experience that this work is not easy, but it is by far the most important work I have ever done. Let Karen show you the way."~ Brooke Castillo, Master Coach Instructor & Founder of The Life Coach School

If You Had Controlling Parents

How to Make Peace with Your Past and Take Your Place in the World
Author: Dan Neuharth
Publisher: Harper Collins
ISBN: 0061861812
Category: Self-Help
Page: 272
View: 700

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Do you sometimes feel as if you are living your life to please others? Do you give other people the benefit of the doubt but second-guess yourself? Do you struggle with perfectionism, anxiety, lack of confidence, emotional emptiness, or eating disorders? In your intimate relationships, have you found it difficult to get close without losing your sense of self? If so, you may be among the fifteen million adults in the United States who were raised with unhealthy parental control. In this groundbreaking bestseller by accomplished family therapist Dan Neuharth, Ph.D., you'll discover whether your parents controlled eating, appearance, speech, decisions, feelings, social life, and other aspects of your childhood—and whether that control may underlie problems you still struggle with in adulthood. Packed with inspiring case studies and dozens of practical suggestions, this book shows you how to leave home emotionally so you can improve assertiveness, boundaries, and confidence, quiet you "inner critics," and bring more balance to your moods and relationships. Offering compassion, not blame, Dr. Neuharth helps you make peace with your past and avoid overcontrolling your children and other loved ones.

Mothers Who Can't Love

A Healing Guide for Daughters
Author: Susan Forward,Donna Frazier Glynn
Publisher: Harper Collins
ISBN: 0062204351
Category: Self-Help
Page: 304
View: 2777

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With Mothers Who Can't Love: A Healing Guide for Daughters, Susan Forward, Ph.D., author of the smash #1 bestseller Toxic Parents, offers a powerful look at the devastating impact unloving mothers have on their daughters—and provides clear, effective techniques for overcoming that painful legacy. In more than 35 years as a therapist, Forward has worked with large numbers of women struggling to escape the emotional damage inflicted by the women who raised them. Subjected to years of criticism, competition, role-reversal, smothering control, emotional neglect and abuse, these women are plagued by anxiety and depression, relationship problems, lack of confidence and difficulties with trust. They doubt their worth, and even their ability to love. Forward examines the Narcissistic Mother, the Competitive Mother, the Overly Enmeshed mother, the Control Freak, Mothers who need Mothering, and mothers who abuse or fail to protect their daughters from abuse. Filled with compelling case histories, Mothers Who Can’t Love outlines the self-help techniques Forward has developed to transform the lives of her clients, showing women how to overcome the pain of childhood and how to act in their own best interests. Warm and compassionate, Mothers Who Can’t Love offers daughters the emotional support and tools they need to heal themselves and rebuild their confidence and self-respect.

10 Days to a Less Defiant Child, second edition

The Breakthrough Program for Overcoming Your Child's Difficult Behavior
Author: Jeffrey Bernstein, Ph.D.
Publisher: Da Capo Lifelong Books
ISBN: 0738218243
Category: Family & Relationships
Page: 336
View: 779

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Occasional clashes between parents and children are not uncommon, but when defiant behavior—including tantrums, resistance to chores, and negativity—becomes chronic, it causes big problems within the family. In 10 Days to a Less Defiant Child,family and child psychologist Dr. Jeffrey Bernstein shares a groundbreaking ten–day program to help parents understand their child’s behavior and regain control of their household. In this updated edition, parents will learn how to face new challenges, including defiance resulting from excessive technology use (even to the point of addiction) and the stress of modern family life. Dr. Bernstein explains what causes defiance in kids and why it’s so destructive to the family, then offers parents a step–by–step guide on how to reduce conflict and end upsetting behaviors.

Will I Ever be Good Enough?

Healing the Daughters of Narcissistic Mothers
Author: Karyl McBride
Publisher: Simon and Schuster
ISBN: 1416551328
Category: Family & Relationships
Page: 243
View: 3500

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A resource for daughters of mothers with narcissistic personality disorder explains how to manage feelings of inadequacy and abandonment in the face of inappropriate maternal expectations and conditional love, in a step-by-step guide that shares recommendations for creating a personalized program for self-protection and recovery. 50,000 first printing.

Room

A Novel
Author: Emma Donoghue
Publisher: Little, Brown
ISBN: 9780316129114
Category: Fiction
Page: 336
View: 8170

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NOW A MAJOR MOTION PICTURE -- nominated for four Academy Awards, including Best Picture To five-year-old-Jack, Room is the world. . . . It's where he was born, it's where he and his Ma eat and sleep and play and learn. At night, his Ma shuts him safely in the wardrobe, where he is meant to be asleep when Old Nick visits. Room is home to Jack, but to Ma it's the prison where she has been held for seven years. Through her fierce love for her son, she has created a life for him in this eleven-by-eleven-foot space. But with Jack's curiosity building alongside her own desperation, she knows that Room cannot contain either much longer. Room is a tale at once shocking, riveting, exhilarating--a story of unconquerable love in harrowing circumstances, and of the diamond-hard bond between a mother and her child.

You're Not Crazy - It's Your Mother

Understanding and Healing for Daughters of Narcissistic Mothers
Author: Danu Morrigan
Publisher: Darton Longman and Todd
ISBN: 9780232529296
Category: Mother and infant
Page: 192
View: 4842

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Do you find yourself feeling emotionally bruised, upset and confused after being in contact with your mother? It is possible that your mother has Narcissistic Personality Disorder (NPD). You're Not Crazy... explains what NPD is, and what it means to you in your life. It will help you to undertake a journey of recognition and recovery: of moving on, healing, and claiming your own self as the wonderful, vibrant woman you really are.

The Invisible Presence

How a Man's Relationship with His Mother Affects All His Relationships with Wome n
Author: Michael Gurian
Publisher: Shambhala Publications
ISBN: 9780834822467
Category: Psychology
Page: 312
View: 9483

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Whether he’s conscious of it or not, a man’s mother is the model for just about every relationship with a woman he has for the rest of his life. Sometimes it’s obvious (just ask his wife or girlfriend), sometimes it’s more subtle, but when you see it, it becomes crystal clear. For fifteen years, this book has helped men understand their mothers’ pervasive influence over the way they relate to women—both the positive and negative aspects of it. But more than that, it has helped thousands of men break free of old relationship patterns. Gurian gives men a wealth of practical exercises and meditations they can use to recognize their mothers’ influence in relationships, and to establish a healthy and rewarding new basis for relationships that will benefit themselves and the women in their lives as well. This new edition of the book formerly titled Mothers, Sons, and Lovers includes a new preface and study questions by the author.

Born a Crime

Stories from a South African Childhood
Author: Trevor Noah
Publisher: Spiegel & Grau
ISBN: 0399588183
Category: Biography & Autobiography
Page: 304
View: 1867

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#1 NEW YORK TIMES BESTSELLER • The compelling, inspiring, and comically sublime story of one man’s coming-of-age, set during the twilight of apartheid and the tumultuous days of freedom that followed NAMED ONE OF THE BEST BOOKS OF THE YEAR BY Michiko Kakutani, New York Times • Newsday • Esquire • NPR • Booklist Trevor Noah’s unlikely path from apartheid South Africa to the desk of The Daily Show began with a criminal act: his birth. Trevor was born to a white Swiss father and a black Xhosa mother at a time when such a union was punishable by five years in prison. Living proof of his parents’ indiscretion, Trevor was kept mostly indoors for the earliest years of his life, bound by the extreme and often absurd measures his mother took to hide him from a government that could, at any moment, steal him away. Finally liberated by the end of South Africa’s tyrannical white rule, Trevor and his mother set forth on a grand adventure, living openly and freely and embracing the opportunities won by a centuries-long struggle. Born a Crime is the story of a mischievous young boy who grows into a restless young man as he struggles to find himself in a world where he was never supposed to exist. It is also the story of that young man’s relationship with his fearless, rebellious, and fervently religious mother—his teammate, a woman determined to save her son from the cycle of poverty, violence, and abuse that would ultimately threaten her own life. The stories collected here are by turns hilarious, dramatic, and deeply affecting. Whether subsisting on caterpillars for dinner during hard times, being thrown from a moving car during an attempted kidnapping, or just trying to survive the life-and-death pitfalls of dating in high school, Trevor illuminates his curious world with an incisive wit and unflinching honesty. His stories weave together to form a moving and searingly funny portrait of a boy making his way through a damaged world in a dangerous time, armed only with a keen sense of humor and a mother’s unconventional, unconditional love. Praise for Born a Crime “[A] compelling new memoir . . . By turns alarming, sad and funny, [Trevor Noah’s] book provides a harrowing look, through the prism of Mr. Noah’s family, at life in South Africa under apartheid. . . . Born a Crime is not just an unnerving account of growing up in South Africa under apartheid, but a love letter to the author’s remarkable mother.”—Michiko Kakutani, The New York Times “[An] unforgettable memoir.”—Parade “What makes Born a Crime such a soul-nourishing pleasure, even with all its darker edges and perilous turns, is reading Noah recount in brisk, warmly conversational prose how he learned to negotiate his way through the bullying and ostracism. . . . What also helped was having a mother like Patricia Nombuyiselo Noah. . . . Consider Born a Crime another such gift to her—and an enormous gift to the rest of us.”—USA Today “[Noah] thrives with the help of his astonishingly fearless mother. . . . Their fierce bond makes this story soar.”—People “[Noah’s] electrifying memoir sparkles with funny stories . . . and his candid and compassionate essays deepen our perception of the complexities of race, gender, and class.”—Booklist (starred review) “A gritty memoir . . . studded with insight and provocative social criticism . . . with flashes of brilliant storytelling and acute observations.”—Kirkus Reviews